And here we are, at part two of this wonderful series where I bottle up all my awards show-centric rage inside myself until it finally breaks free in blog form.
Normally, I try to keep all of this as courteous, respectful, and professional as possible.
But you’re pushing me, Golden Globes. Right to my limit.
Click “Continue Reading” to see if I’ll suffer a nervous breakdown mid-sentence!
Best Television Series- Drama
American Horror Story
Game of Thrones
Homeland is a terrific show. It deserves plenty of awards. Big bucketfuls of ’em. But to legitimately try and pick the best five TV dramas of this season and leave out both Breaking Bad and Justified (arguably the two best shows OF this season) is so unbelievable that it casts a negative light on every television award given out tonight and makes the Golden Globes look like a joke. Next category, please.
Best Television Series- Comedy or Musical
There was no way Modern Family wasn’t going to win- it’s an awards show darling (and it’s pretty darn funny to boot) but again, snubbing Parks and Recreation and Louie (arguably the two strongest comedies on the air right now- there seems to be a pattern developing here) in favor of shlock like Glee and New Girl is just sad. Let’s try another category.
Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series- Drama
Steve Buscemi- Boardwalk Empire
Bryan Cranston- Breaking Bad
Kelsey Grammar- Boss
Jeremy Irons- The Borgias
Damian Lewis- Homeland
Good on you, Golden Globes, for recognizing Damian Lewis’s work on Homeland and for at least giving Bryan Cranston a nomination. This is an improvement, at least.
Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series- Comedy or Musical
Alec Baldwin- 30 Rock
David Duchovny- Californication
Johnny Galecki- The Big Bang Theory
Thomas Jane- Hung
Matt LeBlanc- Episodes
Well, out of the options we had here this doesn’t seem so bad. Matt LeBlanc is enjoyable to watch onscreen. He’s no Louis CK, but he’ll do. Also, although I’m not what you’d call a ‘fan’ of The Big Bang Theory, why go with Johnny Galecki over Jim Parsons? Galecki’s just the straight man in that duo- he’s got decent personality but he’s no great shakes.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series- Drama
Claire Danes- Homeland
Mireille Enos- The Killing
Juliana Margulies- The Good Wife
Madeleine Stowe- Revenge
Callie Thorne- Necessary Roughness.
Give yourselves a pat on the back, Golden Globes. You actually gave someone a trophy who truly deserves to win. If you haven’t already, go take a look at Homeland and be amazed at how taught and suspenseful and addicting it all is. This is the first time I haven’t been sorely disappointed here and for that I’ll gladly overlook that Necessary Roughness is even on this list.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series- Comedy or Musical
Laura Dern- Enlightened
Zooey Deschanel- New Girl
Tina Fey- 30 Rock
Laura Linney- The Big C
Amy Poehler- Parks and Recreation
Swing and a miss. I find it really hard to believe that Amy Poehler still hasn’t won an award for Parks & Rec, but here we are. At this point, I traditionally become frustrated with all awards shows and swear off them forever, but I know I’ll come crawling back at some point. I can’t stop.
Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Peter Dinklage- Game of Thrones
Paul Giamatti- Too Big to Fail
Guy Pearce- Mildred Pierce
Tim Robbins- Cinema Verite
Eric Stonestreet- Modern Family
I’m not the first person to say this (and I won’t be the last), but it would be just super if these four different categories (Comedy Series, Comedy Mini-Series/TV Movie, Drama Series, Drama Mini-Series/TV Movie) weren’t lumped into one for what I assume is convenience’s sake. Still, in this bizarre hodgepodge of confusion, anger and me crying alone at my keyboard, it’s nice to see Peter Dinklage take home a statue.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Jessica Lange- American Horror Story
Kelly MacDonald- Boardwalk Empire
Maggie Smith- Downton Abbey
Sofia Vergara- Modern Family
Evan Rachel Wood- Mildred Pierce
Maybe the Golden Globes are trying to be edgy. Maybe they’re trying to be that bad-ass awards show that doesn’t play by anyone else’s rules and pits Maggie Smith against the screaming Colombian woman from Modern Family in some kind of bizarre contest that no one truly understands the rules to. At this point I can’t be sure of anything anymore.
Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Too Big To Fail
Do the Golden Globes realize that a British TV series traditionally has only six or seven episodes and that you can’t really call The Hour or Downton Abbey a mini-series because there’s nothing more ‘mini’ than that in British TV? No? Well, ignoring that, there are some decent contenders here and Downton Abbey is a deserving winner. At this point my brain feels swollen and I just want these awards to stop. Please.
Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Hugh Bonneville- Downton Abbey
Idris Elba- Luther
William Hurt- Too Big To Fail
Bill Nighy- Page Eight
Dominic West- The Hour
Sweet relief. Thank you. Idris Elba’s a terrific actor and deserves all this and more for playing unhinged-cop-who-can’t-be-stopped John Luther. Plus, just one more Golden Globe and I’ll finally be treated to the sweet release of death! We’re almost done.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Romola Garai- The Hour
Diane Lane- Cinema Verite
Elizabeth McGovern- Downton Abbey
Emily Watson- Appropriate Adult
Kate Winslet- Mildred Pierce
That works. Kate Winslet’s a very, very strong actress. Mildred Pierce is a great story. Thus, she won. There are also other actresses in this category. They too, deserve praise. So, as all the critical functions of my brain shut down one by one, I wish you a fond goodbye and I’ll see you next time.